Breakfast at Tiffany’s (Post 2 Edition 1)

Are Parents the new Bully on Block?

In order for you understand the full scope of this post it is important to have a clear definition of what bullying is. Bullying: is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Kids that who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems. In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include: An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power- such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity- to control or  harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different behaviors, even if they involve the same people. Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.  I was in the mall yesterday, waiting line to pay for my purchases when I witnessed a situation that inspired this post. Now before I go any further, I would like to disclose that I do not have kids, however I don't feel that the situation I witnessed, warrants the title “parent” in order for my opinion to be valid or relevant. So while I was in line there a woman at the register paying for her purchases with her two children. Her daughter was approx. 12 and the little boy was about 3 no older than 4 (I'm not good with guessing children’s age). The little boy is being a typical child, fussing, whimpering with impatience, and tussling (slightly aggressive) with his sister who was playing with her mother’s phone. So far typical, this occurs all over the world, the little boy is getting a little louder, and the mother tells him to quiet down, she tells her daughter to back away from her brother, as she was aggravating his "temper tantrum” still a typical occurrence. The lady is still paying for here purchase, trying to diffuse the situation, with no avail, then (this is where a typical occurrence takes a turn) the little boy who was three, tells his sister that she disgust him. Let me quote this "stop you disgust me" followed by "I can't stand

you, you make me sick" then the mother has the audacity to tell her daughter to go stand somewhere else, and that she is such an embarrassment. I mean literally my mouth fell open, there were about 8 people around (customers and sales associate) and it was pretty uncomfortable to be a witness of. Now, to me, I didn't agree with the delivery of the message, obviously it’s easier to rationalize with a 12 year old then a three year old, so telling her to leave the boy alone and stand off on the side until they left the store was understandable. But in all honesty, she wasn't doing anything to fuel the little boy’s actions.

First, I think it’s completely unnecessary for her to reprimand her child in front of a small crowd (in my opinion), there is no excuse for a parent to degrade a child, but especially in a public setting). What really sent me into shock was the language of this three year old, where does a child of that age, who probably isn't even attending school yet. Learn that type of language....hmmm maybe the mother? Yes. I don't know if he hears his mother talk to him like that, or if she talks like that to his sister, or picks it up from his family, the reason is irrelevant, the point that I'm trying to make is that kids pick up on everything, regardless if we recognize it. The way that kids develop their sense of self and their early social skills, are from the people that they are in direct contact with daily. The way that parents speak or discipline their children may temporarily fix the situation, but has long lasting effects. I felt so sad for that little girl because, it was humiliating for her and unwarranted. Like I stated, I'm not a parent, but I use to be a child, as we all have, so we know what it feels like to be reprimanded or punished. It’s a parent’s responsibility to teach their children to be respectful, kind, and compassionate people, but how do you give what you have never received. How can a child fulfill all those qualities if there parents are the ones who are disrespectful, and beat down there self-esteem, hit them, or publicly embarrass them? Children learn how to treat and mistreat people from their parents. They learn how other people should treat them. When you constantly yell, scream, degrade your child, you’re killing the person they could have been. I have never understood the message behind parents yelling at their children, you teach them that in order to get what they want is by yelling. I never understood what the message behind hitting your kids, it only teaches them that in order to get what you want, that you must physically violate a person. What is the message behind telling kids to be respectful of others and they will respect you, if you as their parent aren’t respectful of them. In a world where kids are bullied, ostracized for their differences, and committing suicide, their home should be a sanctuary, a safe haven, but instead they come home only to receive the same bully behavior from the “protectors”. This still bothers me, I don't blame the little boy he doesn't know better, but his mother does, and I can only imagine what her day to day home life is like. Today the situation I witnessed, her mother failed her, and comprised her self-esteem, herself worth, and emotions. Now do you think that by definition that a parent can be classified as a bully?

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